Happy Valentine's Day!
"Love is in the air, everywhere I look around. Love is in the air, every sight and every sound." - John Paul Young
When I was searching for these lyrics for Valentine's Day, I saw this ad:
Who is Your Valentine? - Calculate Exactly, Down To The Name Who Your Valentine Lover Is...
Ann Marie told me last night that I should blog about the idea of a soul mate today. She doesn't seem to like my take on the subject, but she gets a kick out of how passionately I make my point. I think the idea of a soul mate is foolish. Maybe its because the people I've heard use the word, have been some of the most flaky people I know. People like the twice divorced lady who meets a new soul mate every six months. What about Sting (of the Police, not wrestling) who says that Trudie Styler is his soul mate. Never mind that he was still married to Frances Tomelty when he began a relationship (even conceived a child) with Trudie.
Is it a faulty idea to believe that there is one person out there for each of us? Here are my list of problems with the idea of soul mate or finding "the one":
1. What if you're like Sting (already married when you meet your soul mate)? Does that give you the right to leave the soul mismatch for the soul mate? I don't think so!
2. We overemphasize "finding the right one" to singles and under emphasize developing their relationship skills. The truth is that having a healthy marriage is a lot less about "finding the one" and a lot more about learning healthy relationship skills.
3. It isn't a cross-cultural principle. If the teachings in the Bible about marriage are true, then they must be able to transcend time and place. What about cultures in which marriages are arranged? What are cultures without online matching services to do? The biblical principles of loving sacrificially, seeking the best for others above ourselves, etc. can revolutionize any relationship in any place at any time.
The truth is, that love takes work. I love Ann Marie with all of my heart. Honestly, I can't imagine living my life with anyone else. But, it is that way more because we've worked really hard at it (Ann Marie more than me quite often) than us being "soul mates". We decided to hold on through the rough first year and the seven year itch. Our relationship is better because of it. So, on this Valentine's Day, worry less about meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right and think more about how to develop yourself into Mr. or Mrs. Right.
When I was searching for these lyrics for Valentine's Day, I saw this ad:
Who is Your Valentine? - Calculate Exactly, Down To The Name Who Your Valentine Lover Is...
Ann Marie told me last night that I should blog about the idea of a soul mate today. She doesn't seem to like my take on the subject, but she gets a kick out of how passionately I make my point. I think the idea of a soul mate is foolish. Maybe its because the people I've heard use the word, have been some of the most flaky people I know. People like the twice divorced lady who meets a new soul mate every six months. What about Sting (of the Police, not wrestling) who says that Trudie Styler is his soul mate. Never mind that he was still married to Frances Tomelty when he began a relationship (even conceived a child) with Trudie.
Is it a faulty idea to believe that there is one person out there for each of us? Here are my list of problems with the idea of soul mate or finding "the one":
1. What if you're like Sting (already married when you meet your soul mate)? Does that give you the right to leave the soul mismatch for the soul mate? I don't think so!
2. We overemphasize "finding the right one" to singles and under emphasize developing their relationship skills. The truth is that having a healthy marriage is a lot less about "finding the one" and a lot more about learning healthy relationship skills.
3. It isn't a cross-cultural principle. If the teachings in the Bible about marriage are true, then they must be able to transcend time and place. What about cultures in which marriages are arranged? What are cultures without online matching services to do? The biblical principles of loving sacrificially, seeking the best for others above ourselves, etc. can revolutionize any relationship in any place at any time.
The truth is, that love takes work. I love Ann Marie with all of my heart. Honestly, I can't imagine living my life with anyone else. But, it is that way more because we've worked really hard at it (Ann Marie more than me quite often) than us being "soul mates". We decided to hold on through the rough first year and the seven year itch. Our relationship is better because of it. So, on this Valentine's Day, worry less about meeting Mr. or Mrs. Right and think more about how to develop yourself into Mr. or Mrs. Right.
posted by Jeff Rogers at
2/14/2007 10:42:00 AM
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